Words of a Restless Mind

Dependence

Not such a flattering term. If you ask me, it’s a synonym for weakness, not being able to stand on your own. It tangles the brain into unsolvable puzzles and causes one to battle with themselves. When that crutch is taken away, everything crumbles and the dependent is simply left in a fallen shambles. Realizing your dependence on something is quite possibly one of the most degrading realizations ever. It is rewarding, though, when the feeling of dependence has been experienced and assessed to the point where it is controllable - what one may have interpreted as dependence really turned out to be nothing but a mirage once it is gone.

this is the beginning of anything you want…

I never understood how some people can actually contain themselves and their emotions so well that they manage not to say anything to anyone about it. That may be a sign of strength, but then again, it could be one of weakness. Communicating emotions to people is a privilege, a way of relieving stress, lifting things off your shoulders. It results in advice and reassurance. When everything is bottled up it never results in good things, just an ultimate explosion of everything that has been added to the jar, which can only hold so much. No wonder quiet people are usually the ones who get depressed. A professor said this year in lecture, “I’m sure you all have those friends, the one who doesn’t share any information, the one who shares just the right amount of information, and the one who is completely overboard, to the point where you’re like ‘I didn’t want to hear that’”. I’m the last one. I’m also a shark for information, I don’t like the hidden side of things. Why hide what there is to share? Sharing is caring? I wish I could change people who don’t like to share things, they have no idea what they are missing out on. It haunts me. Especially in people that I’m close to. It is difficult for me to grasp… it has left that strange “heart-sinking” feeling in my chest. Polar opposites. Wait, don’t opposites attract?

:)

So much work lately.

Nothing to really complain about for once though…

I’ll blog when I have less stuff to do.

funk.

I have been sitting here for a good 5 minutes trying to think of an appropriate opening sentence for this. I guess that’s the best opening sentence I’m going to come up with. 

It’s the worst when your mind is spinning, your heart is sinking, and your stomach is in knots all at the same time. 

And maybe add some severe confusion and worry on top of that…

I want to let go and be concerned with only myself and my achievements and endeavours…but my mind won’t let me. It’s annoying. 

I was just watching the video for “1990” by Liferuiner, where I heard this:

the one person who was never supposed to let you down probably will…

Well…have I ever learned that. I hate what I recently learned last week. I also hate how the next four months are going to be because of it. 

End of the Term Remarks

The first term of second year seems to have gone by really quickly, but when I think of it, a lot of things happened over those few short months. Second year is different than first year and is for sure a lot more work. Speaking of work, I should probably be studying for my 4 exams next week. Can’t bring myself to do it, I’d rather be distracted by something pointless or unproductive. 

I didn’t really have an idea of what I was going to write about coming into this…but if there is one thing I have noticed throughout the whole university experience so far, it’s the fact that somehow, the movies, music, shows, etc… lately have embedded such stupid morals in people. Not going to elaborate, but really? Your life isn’t a movie…live and love with the flow of things, don’t put a bunch of hurdles in your way because of some weird rule you’ve made for yourself. And I only say that this has been brought about by the media because the media has changed a lot over time, especially recently. From what I’ve heard, people are nothing like they were 20 or 30 years ago. So without the credibility of a reliable source…you may take this as simply my opinion. 

There are so many people that I cannot and will not ever understand…perhaps because I have a relatively closed mind. 

I have nothing else to say but this random thought: Don’t act like you’re better than anyone else for any reason…it will result in you looking stupid or realizing that you’re simply not “better”, there’s no such thing.

rage.